OH SNAP! the beloved and always-complementary Skittles machine is empty! Please do not panic, we are headed to the store to get an emergency bag, and the larger order will arrive soon.
Category Archives: Just For Fun
Helser Rods In a Hot-Rod
Our good pal Tom at Specialties By Joanne stopped by to pick up his drapery hardware order in the Camaro that he personally restored. He built his own auto rotisserie and replaced or restored every little nut and bolt! Tom pays very close attention to details, and is a very successful window treatment fabricator and installer…..Coincidence? No way!
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You Break It, You Can’t Buy It
I broke only two things in nine years of drapery installation. One was a candle, and the other was a 12″ solid turquoise kachina doll hand carved by a dead artist. (he was still alive when he………c’mon, you know what I mean!) Naturally, I was hanging a decorative thingamajigger (AS A FAVOR) above a fireplace mantle when I completely shattered it. There is a bright side though; When I offered to pay for it, the homeowner said “You can’t……..it was priceless.” Thank goodness for that! 
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Caption Contest – Win An “Awesome Box!”
Our sister Laura was working away in Marks garage last week on a house for her dog “Zoe” when Mark walked up. After observing for a minute or two, his primal male-instincts overcame his common-sense and he started offering a few suggestions……..Stevie Wonder could see where this is headed………Around 2am, with his last bit of energy, Mark finally put the finishing touches on the dog house that he just built….SUCKER As you can see, Zoe was pretty tired by then too!
Here comes the fun part; go to our Facebook fan-page (NOT HERE) and comment on the “doggie photo” with your best caption ideas. The caption with the most “likes” will win the awesome “Awesome-Box” (above) Submit as many captions as you want, but one caption per “comment” please so they can be voted on individually.
Ends 1/1/12 at 12:00:01 am
Have fun!
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Our First Celebrity Endorsement!
Laura “Lovie” Helser’s friend, Christian “The Nigerian Nightmare” Okoye had chilly ears after their dinner date. Thinking quickly, Lovie slapped a beanie on his melon and snapped a photo so that her favorite brother would have something to blog about……Christian, I think you just endorsed a drapery hardware company….. I am so sorry
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Installer Joke
A drapery installer submitted his bill to the home owner after an installation. The homeowner protested “Three hundred and eighty dollars!?!? You have only been here for two hours!! I am a lawyer and I only make $150 per hour!” The installer replied “yeah, that’s what I used to make when I was a lawyer.
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You Call This A Storm!?!?
This economy is a real b*tch, but my brother and I have made fifteen years of good financial decisions and we are happy to report that Helser Brothers inc. is strong like bull!!!! I asked mark how he felt about the current economic environment and he said “Do you remember that scene in Forest Gump?……….” Brother, I am right there with you…..Bring it on!
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Heather Makes the News!
Using Pedal Power to Save Money: MyFoxPHOENIX.com
Our own Heather Quinn demonstrates her natural camera charisma on Fox news. Good Job “H-factor!”
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The Allure Of Tableaux
Everyone knows that Tableaux is a very high impact addition to any space, but did you know that it can actually improve your life? Until the installation of his Tableaux, this man (We’ll call him Joshua) was socially-challenged and, sadly, very unsuccessful with the ladies. His dates would always end with an awkward peck on the cheek and a marginally believable promise to call. He practiced in the mirror for hours and hours, but no matter how polished and smooth his lines were, he just could not entice his dates beyond the threshold of his front door. Lately however, when Joshua is dropped off after an evening on the town (he does not have a driver’s license) his lady-friends have been noticing his beautiful Tableaux. They are typically a little shocked by his good taste at first, but then start asking questions. It did not take Joshua long to discover that a polite invitation to “have a closer look,” a nice box of wine, and a dash of Barry White were the only ingredients needed to bake himself up a delicious love-cake. Joshua said “I am no longer a lonely man thanks to Tableaux and Helser Brothers.” You are welcome Joshua, godspeed my friend……
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Drapery People Bean-Warmers
Taken from a drapery workroom window in Boston area. Brrrrr!
Our crack team in the Helser Brothers Creative Department has done it again! They wanted to do something fun to break up the winter grind. They wanted to let our clients in the frozen parts of the country know that we love them and have not forgotten about them. They wanted…..well…..they wanted……………..to increase online traffic by enticing folks with a shiny new toy, effectively attracting the attention of hundreds of potential clients, who, hungry for a reliable drapery hardware source, will open accounts and spend seventy million dollars on new drapery hardware. Muhwah…muhwah..muhwahahahahahaaaaa (in sinister tone that starts loud and then fades to a low growl)!
Leanne in the hyper-stylish Helser Beanie
The super simple details and instructions:
*Entrants must be Helser Brothers Account holders! (anyone can vote)
*Privately request one of our beautiful and stylish Helser Brothers Beanies via heather@helserbrothers.com
*BOOM! we will send it to you. (WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!)
*Take a photo of the beanie in use.
*Post the photo on the Helser Brothers Facebook page “wall.”
*The top three (3) participants with the most “likes” will win an HD Flip Mino camcorder!
*Voting (liking) ends on April Fools day (4/1/11)
*
You may notice that the we asked for a photo of the beanie “in use.” Those words were, in fact, carefully chosen to avoid any restriction of creativity. You are welcome to repurpose it, Wear it, embellish it, or abuse it. Your photo can be polite, irreverent, goofy or beautiful. In other words, GO FOR IT! All we ask is that you do not harm any animals, try to keep it decent, and have fun.
Cheers!
Mark and Jay
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Vanilla Ice Loves Tableaux
Did I ever tell you about the time that I went to a baseball game with my brother-in-law? He also invited a friend of his who is a catholic priest. At first thought, I had absolutely no problem with it at all. I just did the math quickly in my head and concluded that while I can still enjoy the customary baseball game beer, I may need to temper the customary baseball game language a bit. Then I thought about all the subject matter and jokes which were inappropriate all of the sudden, and felt a little sad. “Holy cow! We are going to sit through an entire baseball game in silence!” I thought, and “Sure wish I would have paid more attention in sunday school.” Oh well, I was sure that it was going to be a bit awkward, but free baseball is a beautiful thing, and worthy of some sacrifice, so I pressed on. The first eight innings went very well. There was lots of fantastic conversation, and we were enjoying a classic ballpark experience.
At the time, the Arizona Diamondbacks had a closing pitcher named Matt Mantei. The manager motioned to the bullpen for him to come out and take the ball. As Mantei was warming up they started blasting the song “Ice Ice Baby” by the rapper “Vanilla Ice.” The priest started busting a subtle groove motion in the seat next to me. I did not think much of it at first, but it was when the rapping started that I felt like a victim of a heinous social experiment……..the priest rapped right along with Vanilla, verbatim, karaoke-style, without missing a solitary beat. I cannot even begin to express the acute awkwardness of the moment. After the initial shock subsided I realized that this poor guy was a victim of my own weak minded stereotype, and was just another normal baseball fan! I have been very careful to avoid stereotypes ever since, and have a rapping priest to thank for it……go figure.
This story clearly has nothing to do with Tableaux, and I probably should have used this precious time to tell you all about how wonderful the product is, because it is, but this is all that came to mind when I watched the video so I had to share it.
By the way; we have just printed a new Tableaux catalog and will happily send it to you for the highly attractive price of zippo.
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Stress Relief For Drapery Hardware Specialists
The holidays are a very busy time for us. Mark and I are complimented regularly, however, for the calm, patient, and helpful ways of our drapery hardware specialists. One of our clients even said “Helser Brothers truly has the best customer service I have ever seen.” Yeah, she really said that.
If you have ever wondered how we maintain this uncommon level of positive mojo, I would love to share a few of our secrets. We have many weapons against the war on stress, but pictured above are three of our most powerful and effective; a Shih-Tzu, a Maltipoo, and bubble-wrap. Angie and Josie Helser are gifted and natural stress warriors of the highest order. They roam from office to office every day planting tender kisses on ankles with uncanny timing and skill. We are told that ankles are typically neglected at home and we are happy and honored to be able to fill that need. It is very difficult indeed to have a rough day with one of these in your lap and the other servicing your ankle. Josie (right) will even curl up on your desk like a warm furry paper weight when she is not busy with her ball which is also a very calming experience.
On the floor is the standard, yet wonderful and magical bubble wrap. When taped to the floor it instantly transforms a drapery hardware specialist into a world class tap-dancer with a bad case of the giggles. Again, I am sure you can imagine how difficult it is to be sullen when you are laughing and dancing (see video below). We realize that these tactics are totally unprofessional and not very corporatesque, but we wouldn’t have it any other way, so there.
Cheers, Mark and Jay
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High Point Market Flash Mob.
I will never miss another High Point Market as long as I live
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Maxwell Post Dons “The Donald”
In celebration of his birth, we sent Maxwell Post a “The Donald” wig from BabyToupee.com and he was kind enough to pose for WhyHelser. Shown here is the very hot “just woke up” look, just one of many variations possible with this wonderful rug. Maxwell is the son of Aaron Post, a brilliant member of our crack web team. If any of you need help with your website, and I respectfully suspect that some of you do , I highly recommend that you hook up with Aaron.
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