How much Isabella could an Isabella chuck chuck, if an Isabella chuck could chuck Isabella?
Isabella drapery hardware is made entirely from wood. We just kinda thought you should know that….. in case you were wondering. Thanks for reading.
Category Archives: Just For Fun
Jane Helser (probably no relation) Makes Super Bowl Footballs
Associated Press Feb 2010: Jane Helser sews together the full ball in the process of making the official game balls for Super Bowl XLIV. “I take a lot of pride in the job I do,” Helser said.
I found this on the AP wire and was not going to post about it, but as I read it started looking more and more like we might actually be related to this person. The first clue is that she has our last name, and there are very few Helsers in the US. The second clue is that she lives in Ohio which is where much of our clan originates. The third and most convincing clue is her statement that she “takes a lot of pride” in the job she does……Hmmmm….?!?!
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Cindys’ Sweet Drapery Hardware Pickerupper
Helser client Cindy Lewton of the AZ Design Group, and author of the Cindy Elle Design blog, showed up for her drapery hardware order in the most unique vehicle to ever grace our parking lot. this very interesting vehicle was made to accomodate three wheelchairs by the Checker Automobile Company and served as a special service taxi cab in New York City. A total of only 98 of these were made for three years in the early seventies. It is so rare that Google hardly knows about it. Most of the Medicar search results were for Medicare typos!
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Rockin’ Shop
We are not sure what a recession sounds like because there is too much racket in here! Hearty thanks to all of our wonderful clients for keeping us busy.
We love you! Jay and Mark
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Squeals And Sandwiches
EEEEK I love it! Can I make you a sandwich?
Drapery installers and interior designers provide a service that makes people happy. When people (usually guys) ask my brother and I what we do, frequently they respond with a “huh?’ It never occurred to them that there is actually a window coverings industry in existence. While some folks just consider window coverings a necessary evil, some save and dream for a very long time before they can get the window treatments they’ve always wanted. I have countless memories of homeowners literally squealing with delight, sometimes even with tears of joy, when they see their new draperies for the first time. Drapery installers and designers are frequently greeted at the door like Ed McMahon with a Publishers Clearing House check, and doted on like a rockstar during the installation. Can I get you a soda? Would you like a sandwich? Anything to catch a glimpse of the draperies as they went up. When you consider the reception that plumbers, roofers and transmission repair guys get, I think we can count ourselves pretty fortunate.
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A Friendly Psycho-Manipulation Tip
uncle rico from Napoleon Dynamite
Did your dad or uncle ever offer to pinch your arm so your stubbed big toe would not hurt any more? Yeah, that’s just flippin’ hilarious when you are suffering with acute toe-pain, right? That ancient paternal diversionary tactic is not even marginally effective and just leaves you hurting in two spots.
Not a big fan of that one, but we did, however, discover a psychological head-fake that works, and thought you design professionals may find it useful…..
Do you have a client who is a little lean in the pocketbook and languishing in the interior design doldrums? Her home desperately needs your touch, and she would love nothing more than to hire you, but she says she just can’t quite afford it until her financial portfolio recovers. What do you do? Direct her to this website. After a few minutes she will look up from the computer screen feeling significantly better about her surroundings. This temporary illusion is the perfect weapon for todays interior designer because your client will be eternally grateful that you helped her through a difficult time, fostering goodwill and consumer loyalty, and it buys a little time till she is ready to cut checks again!
If you find that after the economy recovers that she is still nervous and reluctant to spend, simply direct her to this website. This should reverse the effects, reminding her how badly she needs you, and have her spending with excessive abandon again in no time.
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Muck Up? Man up!
HB Helps Win 2001 World Series
Baseball fans are a notoriously superstitious bunch.
I don’t consider myself superstitious, but am definitely a baseball fan, and on November 7th 2001 at game 7 of the World Series when I spilled soda on the guy in front of me…..I was not taking any chances! I went right to the pro shop and bought him a new shirt…..The Diam0ndbacks proceeded to win the World Series, and the guy in front of me just happened to be a big-time designer and has spent over a million dollars on Helser Brothers drapery hardware….Ok, I made up the designer part but that would have been neat.
True, the World Series analogy is a shamelessly rediculous stretch, but we do feel very strongly that in life and business good things happen when you man-up and take responsibility for your actions.
Profit Blinders
Accountability in business gets lost too often when business owners operate with profit blinders. Have you ever ordered one thing and received another only to be interrogated like a suspect when you request a replacement? Have you ever been granted ”just enough” restitution in an impatient and reluctant tone? I have, Mark has, Anita has…..everyone in our office has, and we all agree that it makes you want to strangle the perp and make it look like an accident.
Of course you can’t do that, but you can take your business elsewhere and hit them in the wallet! Did Circuit City go under because they wouldn’t cover my VCR that broke two days after the warranty ended? Who knows? Perhaps they treated every customer like they were the only electronics source in the universe creating a massive army of dissed and pissed ex-clients like me. 
Just throwin’ it out there……
My point is this; When it comes to professional accountability, we at Helser Brothers “get it.” We promise that if we ever muck up an order (which is rare) we will always “man-up” and never ever leave you feeling that we could have done more.
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$300. In Cookie Research Grants Available Now
Denise Hooper Makes News With Cookie Recipe
We heard some great news about HB client Denise of Dream It Window Coverings…..
It is no secret that Mark and I are big fans of all things baked, so it should not be a big shock to those who know us that we find Denise Hoopers the following accomplishment extremely impressive.
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“Tens of thousands of people” submitted to the 2010 Pillsbury Bake-off Contest, but Denise Hoopers “Deluxe Triple Chocolate Cookie” recipe has emerged as one of only 100 finalists! This means that she has recieved some fancy prizes from Pillsbury and is also being flown to Florida in May for the championship.
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Just for fun, we are offering 10 “Cookie Research Grants” to be used for the baking, munching, and analysis of these “Deluxe Triple Chocolate Cookies.”
All you have to do is comment below indicating your desire to participate, and we will send a $30.00 Visa gift card (till they are gone) to cover your cookie baking expenses.
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There are no strings attached, but our hope is that after baking and enjoying Denise Hoopers cookies you will go to the Pillsbury website and review her recipe. Have fun!
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Smelling Salts And Helmets
Important Safety Announcement!
We have had several (more than usual) reports of shock-induced fainting.
This sudden loss of consciousness has typically been experienced by Helser clients on the receiving end of our “extreme customer service,” but recently we have seen an alarming increase in home-owner faintings as well. Apparently, the emotional impact of a high quality window treatment unveiling can be too much for some to handle and they abruptly ”check out.”
Stylish Fainting Helmet
In an effort to help avoid any unnecessary injuries we recommend asking your client to assume a seated position before the unveiling. For those more acutely affected by this potentially dangerous phenomenon we recommend a helmet. Here are some helmets that will provide safety without sacrificing style.
Also, as a courtesy we will be providing free smelling salts by request and while supplies last.
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Ruth Burns Rubber
One of our Drapery Hardware Specialists commandeered a go-cart that Mark brought in for repairs. I guess Ruth had some free time after lunch and performed the cart-jacking minutes after the repairs were complete. According to witnesses, the look on her face was one of mischievous glee and….well…..frankly she seems like a new woman since the incident.
Our parking lot makes a fantastic track so maybe Mark should leave it here so the employees can blow off some steam or get energized when they need to!
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Furoshiki
We are an industry that produces a large amount of scrap fabric so we thought you may find this interesting and fun to try. According to Wikipedia, this craft is regaining popularity in Japan as an ecologically friendly alternative to wrapping paper. In the US we use 4 million tons of wrapping paper every holiday season…..so why not!?!?
click here for some common Furoshiki wrapping patterns.
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A Holiday Spoof By Heather “The H. Factor” Fox
See what happens when you delegate?!?! The invitations to our company Christmas party went out today and this was what we found in our in-boxes. Mark and I are feeling a little bushwhacked right now but we will get over it 
…… At least Mark is the one who got stuck with the girlie “tadaaa!” pose and I got the much cooler “raise the roof” pose!
Heather “the H-factor” Fox is our super-talented marketing assistant and is widely regarded as the most fun person on mother earth to work with.
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“Josie” From Jay At Helser Brothers
Santa came early and brought “Josie” a 10 week old Shih-Tsu. She has brought tons of laughter into our home with her charming ways and is a fun addition to our family.
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Halloween Costume by HB Team Member – Jadey Productions
Our good buddy JD Winters is a hyper-talented and uber-creative contributor on an “as needed basis” over here at Helser Brothers and this Halloween he really pulled out all the stops for his little boy. Here is a video of his costume!
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